still would stand all time

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One.

This blog was birthed out of a friend who wanted a connection with me away from school. It was carried by inspirations from a Friend who eagerly connected with me at all points of every day, unraveling and connecting thoughts, experiences, and pain altogether in a mysterious way through writing. What you see on it is basically a vulnerable spiritual diary from the beginnings of my walk with Him that was meant for an audience of 1. Jesus. I naturally let the sole focus of every 1,330 posts of mine, be centered around the One whom physically and spiritually healed my life. It wasn’t an option for me to post anything else. It was the only thing worth sharing for me.

I heard someone today offer interesting advice. He said, “Never make someone a priority while you continue to be their option.”

I thought I wasn’t living the way I was supposed to when Jesus was my one and only priority. You truly feel like an outsider to the entire world. I didn’t think that relationship between us was meant to be taken so strongly. When I faltered away and let other relationships re-prioritize His meaning in my life, I was surprised when He reached over me and swerved my heart like a steering wheel at a harsh angle back around onto Him. He was never meant to be one of our many options in life. His love is passionately all-consuming. He’s serious when He says He wants you.

As with many passions & hobbies I have that God’s personally consumed in my heart for His glory and re-focused in a new direction, writing is one of them. One that I’ll trust He’ll do more with when I obey His every step. That next step for me is taking off into the sea.

So thanks Tumblr for being the canvas of many tears, ministry, and laughter it turned out to be. And thank you to the friend who started it all. Bon voyage.

"All human nature vigorously resists grace because grace changes us and the change is painful."

- Flannery O’Connor (via marylikesbagels)

(via kippwilkinson)

"Psalms 89 explained how He won’t treat your children the way He treats other peoples children who are not calling on Him. What that says is that you are ruined. Other kids can go to a party, get high and get drunk but if you go 4 people are going to call your mom before you get home, a police man is going to stop you before you go home- your going to get into all kinds of trouble..not cause’ God hates you but whom the Lord loveth He whipeth… or in my translation He beateth the hell out of."

-

Franklin Jentezen

"Love gives you a wedding. Lust gives you a condom."

- Jentezen Franklin

You won't Relent

My friend was describing some funny frustrations she has around her dog. Her biggest pet peeve? Whenever she brings him outside for a walk & she calls out for him because it’s time to go in- her dog basically pretends like he doesn’t hear her. He is so caught up in the fun and “freedom” of the outdoors that he blocks her out of his vision.

But whenever her dog is back inside the house, she has his ears and undivided attention and affection. Sounds strange and I wouldn’t have believed it had I not have had a dog that did this same exact thing. 

As we were laughing about this odd behavior & striking personalities of dogs…. I couldn’t help but see similar patterns in my behavior with God from time to time. I’ve listened to “You Won’t Relent” by Jesus Culture many times, and one line in particular grabs my heart… everytime.

"I don’t want to talk about You, like You’re not in the room- 

I want to look right at You, wanna sing right to You”

Echoing that lyric is Proverbs 3, “In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” -ALL thy ways, not just Sunday mornings- but when you are out in the world and trying to navigate through life.

Man, how many times do I ignore God a day? Ignore His presence, pretend He’s not there, forgetting His purpose for me, even His love for me? Especially when He calls out to me in the middle of a mess, in a way that signifies how He claims me as His. How can we live a life that, through the frenzy & business- through the socials and gatherings, keep a laser vision directed on the awareness of One person.

Imagine yourself in a crowded room and you see Jesus far in the back and you’re trying to keep your eyes on Him. People are bumping into you, your being yelled at from different corners- it’s almost impossible to keep your attention from being diverted! But imagine how easy it would be if you & Jesus had a relationship & were talking side by side in that crowded room. No matter how busy, tight, and cramped out schedules become- if we have a relationship with God- He’ll never leave your mind. When you allow that relationship… that closeness to fade away, that’s when distractions come in between and fill up your mind.

Probably my favorite unexpected scene in Cast Away. It was a surprise to me at the end that Tom’s character had an unforeseen battle with suicide, away from the cameras- hidden from the audience’s knowings. That whole time on the island we were kept unaware of the most potent, drastic emotion he even had.

Instead of letting the audience sink into his battle with him, the motion picture shined a light on the life he lived & painfully preserved for the entire movie up until the last few minutes. Maybe even intentionally.. speaking that life was overpoweringly greater then choosing death.

I knew, somehow, I had to stay alive. Somehow… I had to keep breathing… Even though there was no reason to hope…And all my logic said that I would never see this place (his home) again.

So that’s what I did… I stayed alive. I kept breathing…

And one day that logic was proved all wrong, because the tide came in and gave me a sail. And now here I am. Back in Memphis. Talking to you. I have ice in my Glass…!

And I have lost her all over again…

I am so sad that I don’t have Kelly, but I am so grateful that she was not with me on that island.

And I know what I have to do now… I have to keep breathing… Because tomorrow the sun will rise…Who knows what the tide could bring...”

disguised substitute

I had the privilege this summer of meeting a really really great guy whose offered a lot of support for me through an awkward transition. He’s gone through what i’m about to be going through this Fall at school, so it’s neat just being ears around this guy. But I’ve been listening to more then just his educational tips. This guy has a really gorgeous fiance who I’ve heard snippets about. But whenever he does talk about her, his words don’t carry the anticipation and excitement that I’d expect. I mean, c’mon, he’s just about to get married! But inside of him I’ve noticed is some restless tension wandering around for something larger and bigger, for something more

Man. I don’t want to put all my eggs in one basket of marriage when I find Mr. Right. I’ve heard of people turning to cigarettes, food, and other things to fill emptiness in them- but none of that works when trying to substitute “promising solutions” it for the true solution found in Jesus. It’s like eating and eating but still remaining hungry and empty. My friend’s condition just makes me marvel at how even something as humongous as marriage isn’t the end all for personal un-happiness. It’s not even enough to fill up the void we have- a void that only God Himself can fill up. Why? Because He’s larger & bigger and is something more this world can’t offer.

"

Let folks go, Sonny. Some people come into your life for a lifetime. Some come for a season. You’ve got to know which is which. And you’re gonna always mess up when you mix seasonal people up with lifetime expectations.

No, no, listen I put everybody that comes into my life in the category of a tree. Some people are like leaves on a tree. The wind blows — they’re over here. They’re unstable. It blows the other way — now they’re over here. The season changes. They wither and die. Some people, most people in the world are like that. They’re just there to take from the tree. But don’t get mad. That’s what they were put on this earth to be what they are, a leaf.

Some people are like a branch on that tree. You’ve got to be careful about them branches too cause they’ll fool you. They’ll make you think they’re a good friend and they’re real strong, but the minute you step out there on them they’ll break and leave you high and dry.

But if you find two or three people in your life that are like the roots at the bottom of that tree, you are blessed. Because they’re the kind of people that ain’t going nowhere. They ain’t worried about being seen. Don’t nobody have to know what they’re doing for you but if those roots weren’t there that tree couldn’t live. You understand? A tree could have a hundred million branches, but only a few roots down at the bottom to make sure it gets everything it needs. I’m telling you, Sonny, when you get you some roots hold on to them, but the rest of ‘em, let ‘em go. Just let it go. Let folks go.

"

- Madea

"Maybe you are searching among the branches, for what only appears in the roots."

- Unknown (via creatingaquietmind)

(via aboveallhis)

"It’s not as simple as saying I’m happy and I’m going to write a happy song or I’m sad so I’m going to write a sad song. I take a little more time to go a level past that point. I believe anything that is painful or difficult or frustrating in your life is there for a reason. It’s there to teach you. They are wonderful opportunities to learn. I can’t write about pain or frustration, I wait until I tackle the problem, go through the pain and emerge on the other end whether I succeeded in the problem or not. I speak in my music about the learning that took place."

- Yanni